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[neverjoinyou]

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[tetractys]

"WELL, THAT AIN'T GREAT."

Obviously.

[neverjoinyou]

Luke winces.

"Uh, that wasn't helpful, was it?"

[tetractys]

"YEAH, BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN WHAT'S HELPFUL!"

A little playful flick on the side of the head.

[neverjoinyou]

Luke grins at him with genuine affection.

"Yes, well," he says without disagreeing. "We can deal with that later. Questionable honesty aside, there's probably a better point to make, here. You and I aren't alike, and given the same circumstances... we're going to err, probably, on different sides. So you asked how I move on from stuff. And I do think it's worth saying that I did, I do, change the rules for how I'm supposed to feel about it. I moved on from my aunt and uncle being killed by joining the forces that killed them. I moved on from learning my enemy was my father by working to remind him what side he was on. I didn't let those things define me, even if you could argue that I did what I did in response. Does that make any sense at all?"

[tetractys]

Bill grunts, appears to be processing.

"A THIRD OPTION, YA MEAN?"

[neverjoinyou]

"Yeah," Luke says, expression clearing as he nods. "Exactly. It's not without risk, of course. As people will happily remind you. But..." He shrugs his free shoulder. "Don't let them write the rules."

[tetractys]

Bill looks down at his hands.

"DON'TCHA GET ANGRY?"

That's against the Force Rules but it's always seemed impossible to him; Bill's temper is like a flashbang, it comes up on him before he's even aware it's there.

[neverjoinyou]

"Yes," Luke admits quietly, but without hesitation. "Yes, of course. I... I've done things in anger I can't change. I will do things I already regret, out of some mix of fear and anger. The fact I can't control that is part of why I work to do so. The fact that... it's the actions I've taken that were done in anger that are the most destructive I've ever done. It's clear proof to me that if nothing else, my Jedi training was right in that--that it leads to the Dark Side. I don't know how much else I agree with them about what that means, but I do know that fear, and anger, have been the worst ways to decide anything I've ever seen."

[tetractys]

"BUT THEY'RE NATURAL, TOO. IF YOU'RE ANGRY, IT'S BECAUSE... YOU GOT A RAW DEAL. YOU'RE NOT BEING TREATED WELL."

Bill kicks his feet, a little too stiffly to just be an idle motion.

[neverjoinyou]

"I didn't say it's not natural. Or justified." Luke bites his lip. "At a certain point, it not being fair isn't the point. The point is, what can you do to make it right?" He shrugs. "And so far, making choices based on that feeling hasn't worked out for me."

[tetractys]

Bill sighs again.

Bill is quiet for awhile. Every time he does something impulsive because someone got under his skin he fucks up, it's true.

"I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW YA DO IT."

[neverjoinyou]

Luke laughs softly, mostly at himself. "I didn't always," he points out. "I used to do a lot of impulsive things. Not, you know. World-ending things, usually. But I had to work at it. I had to learn. I had to..." He sighs, trying to explain. "I had to spend a lot of time when I wasn't angry or scared practicing, so that in the moment, it became easier. I still screw it up, sometimes."

He peers down at Bill.

"I don't really see you as the meditation type, but I could teach you. What I know, I mean--not all the Jedi stuff, just some of the exercises for staying calm."

He has no idea if that's anything Bill would ever take him up on, let alone be good at. But it's worth a try.

[tetractys]

Bill's expression wrinkles up. That sounds like his attention span will not enjoy it.

"HOW FAST DO THEY WORK? 'CAUSE I GO FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN A SECOND IF THERE'S KIDS DESTROYING MY PLANS INVOLVED."

[neverjoinyou]

"Honestly?" Luke wrinkles his nose. "At first, not very fast. Like I said, it takes practice. And look, it's not perfect. We still have emotions. We still feel. Do you... Do you remember when I faced my father for the last time?" He's sure Bill's watched this. It's the only reason he's bringing it up, but maybe it'll help? "The Emperor threatened my sister. That's what set me off. I couldn't see anything, Bill. I couldn't think about anything but how unfair it was that they would go after her. How guilty I was that I'd given her existence away. How afraid I was that nothing I'd done was going to matter." He swallows. "That's the angriest I can remember being. Ever. And even with the training, even with all I'd been told, it took cutting off my father's arm to remind me. But here's the thing--it did remind me. I stopped. I... don't know if I could have, if I hadn't worked hard at controlling those emotions. So it didn't work instantly. But it still saved me."

[tetractys]

Bill's seen it all, and makes frustrated fists as Luke speaks, opening and closing his hands over and over like he's mad at how useless they are.

"YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW. YOU'RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING. LOOK, JUST - WHAT IF IT HADN'T WORKED OUT? WHAT IF YOUR FATHER HAD NEVER SEEN THE LIGHT AND LEIA WAS JUST ... IN DANGER FOR NOTHING? WHAT IF YOU GIVE PEOPLE CHANCES AND YOU GET SCREWED, HUH?"

[neverjoinyou]

Luke sighs, trying not to get frustrated. "I've never said I was good at everything," he insists. Why is it, he wonders, that everyone thinks he's either traumatized or angelically perfect whenever he simply tells them about his life? He shakes his head.

"That's a risk. Obviously. I understand that. But some things are... too important to play safe. I was prepared to die, that day. I'm not saying that's a good thing, but I am saying it was a possibility I was aware of." He takes a deep breath. "But here's the thing. If I hadn't? I'd be wondering to this day whether my father really was there. If the choice was between dying to find out, and never knowing? I guess I came down on the side of knowing."

[tetractys]

"NO, YOU WOULDN'T."

It's just easy for him. It's just easy to know what the right thing is and then do it - Luke just has an internal compass he can follow and Bill is wandering around in the wilderness. Also he can lift shit with his mind which Bill currently cannot do!

"BUT IT WOULDN'T JUST BE YOU. YOUR SISTER, TOO. ...LOOK, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. I ALWAYS DO WHAT MAKES SENSE TO ME, AND I BET YOU DO TOO. ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, WHEN YOU DO WHAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU, IT WORKS OUT."

[neverjoinyou]

"I'm not sure what you want me to say," Luke says. "I mean, I know for a fact that it doesn't. Leia and I... we're both so sad, in the future." He sighs. "I don't know how to tell you that this is something you can work on, if you truly believe I've never had to work for anything in my life."

[tetractys]

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT, Bill grumbles.

He sorta did.

[neverjoinyou]

"You sorta did," Luke points out without rancor. "The thing is, you came to me for... well, if not advice, you came to me. So why don't you tell me what you'd like me to do."

[tetractys]

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW, WINGS. I'M JUST SO FRUSTRATED. IF NEITHER OF US KNOW THE RIGHT WAY TO MAKE OUR LIVES WORK OUT, WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE US WITH? WHERE DO WE GO NEXT?"

[neverjoinyou]

Luke smiles tightly.

"We try something different," he says. "And we accept help from our friends."

[tetractys]

Bill is quiet for a bit here, stares down at the deck and swings his legs.

"THINK THEY'VE GOT ANY IDEA EITHER?"

[neverjoinyou]

"I've already given you some," Luke points out gently. "But the point is... they'll have different ideas from you." He pauses. "You could talk to Ford, too."

[tetractys]

Bill rubs the side of his slope.

"LEMME REWIND! I THINK I TOOK A WRONG TURN. I DIDN'T COME HERE TO PICK A FIGHT!"

He got jealous, is what he did, and now they're sort of being prickly at each other and he just wants that to stop happening.