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[neverjoinyou]

Leave a message. I will hear you.

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[neverjoinyou]

"Honestly?" Luke wrinkles his nose. "At first, not very fast. Like I said, it takes practice. And look, it's not perfect. We still have emotions. We still feel. Do you... Do you remember when I faced my father for the last time?" He's sure Bill's watched this. It's the only reason he's bringing it up, but maybe it'll help? "The Emperor threatened my sister. That's what set me off. I couldn't see anything, Bill. I couldn't think about anything but how unfair it was that they would go after her. How guilty I was that I'd given her existence away. How afraid I was that nothing I'd done was going to matter." He swallows. "That's the angriest I can remember being. Ever. And even with the training, even with all I'd been told, it took cutting off my father's arm to remind me. But here's the thing--it did remind me. I stopped. I... don't know if I could have, if I hadn't worked hard at controlling those emotions. So it didn't work instantly. But it still saved me."

[tetractys]

Bill's seen it all, and makes frustrated fists as Luke speaks, opening and closing his hands over and over like he's mad at how useless they are.

"YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW. YOU'RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING. LOOK, JUST - WHAT IF IT HADN'T WORKED OUT? WHAT IF YOUR FATHER HAD NEVER SEEN THE LIGHT AND LEIA WAS JUST ... IN DANGER FOR NOTHING? WHAT IF YOU GIVE PEOPLE CHANCES AND YOU GET SCREWED, HUH?"

[neverjoinyou]

Luke sighs, trying not to get frustrated. "I've never said I was good at everything," he insists. Why is it, he wonders, that everyone thinks he's either traumatized or angelically perfect whenever he simply tells them about his life? He shakes his head.

"That's a risk. Obviously. I understand that. But some things are... too important to play safe. I was prepared to die, that day. I'm not saying that's a good thing, but I am saying it was a possibility I was aware of." He takes a deep breath. "But here's the thing. If I hadn't? I'd be wondering to this day whether my father really was there. If the choice was between dying to find out, and never knowing? I guess I came down on the side of knowing."

[tetractys]

"NO, YOU WOULDN'T."

It's just easy for him. It's just easy to know what the right thing is and then do it - Luke just has an internal compass he can follow and Bill is wandering around in the wilderness. Also he can lift shit with his mind which Bill currently cannot do!

"BUT IT WOULDN'T JUST BE YOU. YOUR SISTER, TOO. ...LOOK, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. I ALWAYS DO WHAT MAKES SENSE TO ME, AND I BET YOU DO TOO. ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, WHEN YOU DO WHAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU, IT WORKS OUT."

[neverjoinyou]

"I'm not sure what you want me to say," Luke says. "I mean, I know for a fact that it doesn't. Leia and I... we're both so sad, in the future." He sighs. "I don't know how to tell you that this is something you can work on, if you truly believe I've never had to work for anything in my life."

[tetractys]

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT, Bill grumbles.

He sorta did.

[neverjoinyou]

"You sorta did," Luke points out without rancor. "The thing is, you came to me for... well, if not advice, you came to me. So why don't you tell me what you'd like me to do."

[tetractys]

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW, WINGS. I'M JUST SO FRUSTRATED. IF NEITHER OF US KNOW THE RIGHT WAY TO MAKE OUR LIVES WORK OUT, WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE US WITH? WHERE DO WE GO NEXT?"

[neverjoinyou]

Luke smiles tightly.

"We try something different," he says. "And we accept help from our friends."

[tetractys]

Bill is quiet for a bit here, stares down at the deck and swings his legs.

"THINK THEY'VE GOT ANY IDEA EITHER?"

[neverjoinyou]

"I've already given you some," Luke points out gently. "But the point is... they'll have different ideas from you." He pauses. "You could talk to Ford, too."

[tetractys]

Bill rubs the side of his slope.

"LEMME REWIND! I THINK I TOOK A WRONG TURN. I DIDN'T COME HERE TO PICK A FIGHT!"

He got jealous, is what he did, and now they're sort of being prickly at each other and he just wants that to stop happening.

[neverjoinyou]

Luke shakes his head. "Then tell me why you came here," he says kindly, not thinking it worth pointing out that he doesn't think they'd been fighting--but he doesn't want to argue about that, either. "You're upset over what Ford's graduation means, about what your relationship with him means, given your history. So. What are your feelings telling you?"

[tetractys]

"THAT I'M CONFUSED! AND THAT I HAVE TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME. I CAN'T TRY TO TAKE ON A WHOLE DIMENSION BY MYSELF. PEOPLE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP ME AND HAVE GOOD IDEAS! I'M ALSO REALLY ANGRY, I'M REALLY AGITATED! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO WITH!"

Bill takes his hat off to rub at his point. All of this is true. There are other feelings in there that Bill's limited emotional intelligence can't quite label - he's in mourning, for his own life. He's frustrated. He's rethinking his entire policy on considering himself a smart or competent guy. The anger he feels is at himself, at the universe, at the Admiral, at the Axolotl, at Ford and Stan and the Pines, at everybody, but mostly the first two. Bill has never processed his own death in any meaningful way and now it's back to punch him.

[neverjoinyou]

Luke chews on his lip for a moment.

"You're gonna hate this answer," he says helpfully, "but I think... I think all that is okay." He raises a hand. "I don't mean that what happened is okay, or that it's fun to feel those things. But I think... these are normal things to feel given... everything. Sometimes you really just have to feel stuff and there's nothing to do about it in the moment except feel it."

[tetractys]

"I DO HATE THAT ANSWER."

feeling bad? its bad. he'd like that to stop.

[neverjoinyou]

"I'm not saying you have to go sit in a corner and feel awful all the time," he says, trying to be gentle though he knows that he'd also hate what he's saying. "But it's one of those things I think you never learned. Like healing a body part. It takes time."

[tetractys]

"TIME IS A PRISON!"

He's very adamant about this but it's not actually an argument.

[neverjoinyou]

"Sometimes," Luke agrees affably, because that's his chief weapon against Bill's adamance. "But maybe you should take some ownership. Make this into what you need it to be."

[tetractys]

"UGH, YEAH, I KNOW, I'M GOING TO GROW AS A PERSON I GUESS.

BUT, JEEZ, I GOT THE POINT ALREADY! I'M OVER THIS, LET'S MOVE ON!"

Emotions don't work like that, Bill.

[neverjoinyou]

Bill is not over this, that much is obvious.

"We don't have to talk about it anymore," Luke offers. "But I would like you to tell me what you're going to do."

[tetractys]

"NO, I MEAN, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S - STILL FEELING BAD! WHY CAN'T I JUST FEEL BAD BRIEFLY, SAY I GET IT, AND THEN WE'RE DONE! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DRAG OUT!"

What IS he going to do?

"I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA. GOING TO TALK TO FORD, PROBABLY, SEE WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. THEN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE."

Gross

[neverjoinyou]

Because that's how feelings work, Bill. They're like a virus.

"You don't need to figure it all out today," he suggests. "Maybe... one step at a time. Go talk to Ford."