neverjoinyou | lastvoyages IC Inbox

You weren't a bitch. I can tell I overstepped. I'm not exactly sure how, but I do regret it.

I was a little bit of a bitch, but I'm also only a little bit sorry for it, too. It's complicated.

Well, can we talk about it? I really wasn't trying to imply anything about your capability or Callisto's... anything. Too many people have died around here and I'm never there to prevent it, and I just... knowing she was able to control you like that...

You thinking about the stuff that's happened here recently, or the stuff from home that you told me about before?

Neither? Both?

Tell me, what's so wrong about offering assistance when a friend is being possessed, just in case?

It's complicated. You didn't really do anything wrong, it's just-- I don't know.

I'm sick of people thinking she's taking advantage of me and I'm in over my head.

I'm sorry. That does sound awful. It never crossed my mind to think that. I was reacting simply to two things: you're important to me, and someone was in your body. I happen to have a skill set no one ever remembers where I can step in without doing violence. I just thought it would be a good thing to remind you of.

But I made her mad, and she felt threatened, and that really wasn't my intention but it was my doing.

I am positive she's not scared of you, Luke.

No, I mean. Argh. That's not what I meant.

I mean that I hadn't meant to threaten.

I know you didn't.

It was a flood, you know? And I possessed her first. It was Barge bullshit; it wasn't like she did it on her own to fuck with me.

Still. I can see how she'd interpret it that way, and I am sorry for it.

And I understand, but I still am not sure I'm ready to not offer help where I think I can potentially be useful.

Would you take it personally if I said I probably wouldn't ever accept it for something like that?

[There is a pause. When she puts it that way, he puts himself into her place. And maybe, just maybe, he can start to understand.]

No. I wouldn't. I'd die first.

[That's not at all the answer she'd been expecting, and the surprise is clear in her voice.]

Really? You would before you'd take somebody up on that offer, you mean?

Not because I don't like help.

No, I meant... I'd die before I did anything that my inmate, whoever they might be, might take as a betrayal.

I don't think she totally would. Not as bad as some people might. She'd definitely lose respect for me, though. And even besides that, it-- it's personal. If she did take me over and do something I didn't want, it'd be personal. When we fight, it's personal. If she kills me again, it'll be personal. I don't want people from outside who don't know all the, like, context to get involved in that, no matter how much they care about me.

[Thoughtfully.]

Okay. That's fair. So just to be clear--is offering to help "getting involved"?

I don't--

I don't know. Maybe wait until I ask for it, I guess.

Okay... I mean that sounds fair, and I both think that makes sense but I guess only now that I know you know you can ask for it. I am sorry that I stepped in something that wasn't my place--but I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to know.

I think you're thinking of a logical thing instead of an emotional thing. And I know I can ask for help, I'm just not going to.

Part of it's to protect you too, you know.

Okay, okay. I just... I'm sorry if I made you think I thought you can't take care of yourself. I know you can. I just hated the idea of someone taking over your body and making you do anything you didn't want. Or, gods forbid, hurt other people.

I could've fought back if I wanted. I think it would've been pretty easy to get control back.

Okay. You're right. I'm sorry again.

Maybe I am lacking in things to take care of, around here.

You don't have to keep apologizing; I'm not really mad or anything.

Right. Just, working through it in my head. Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it.

How are you doing, otherwise?

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