neverjoinyou | lastvoyages IC Inbox

[Bill is looking tired, but a lot better than he had been when he was sulking in a pool, at least.]

HEY, WINGS. WHATCHA MAKING?

[Luke glances at the motor parts, and back.]

When my father was here, he showed me his racing pod. I'm trying to make my own. But I'm pretty sure that's not why you're here. [He pats the sofa next to him.] You're looking less soggy.

HAVING A RACE CAR IS A GREAT WAY TO MAKE ATTRACTIVE FRIEEEEENDS.

[friends! friends! friends! But yeah okay. Bill goes to sit on the sofa. His expression falls.]

YEAH. I'M STILL PRETTY SAD, BUT IT WASN'T HELPING.

[Luke nods. He is going to ignore the attractive friends bit. Because... what.]

That's okay, though. Sometimes... sometimes we do stuff that doesn't make sense and doesn't help but that doesn't mean it didn't have a purpose at the time. Still, I'm glad you're out of the pool.

So your weird question. Am I going to like it?

[SOCIAL LIFE]

I JUST WANTED TO ASK HOW MUCH YOU REMEMBERED FROM BEING FROM THE SECOND DIMENSION.

[Bill frowns, folds his hands over his cane.]

I REMEMBER A LITTLE ABOUT BEING FROM YOUR GALAXY... BUT IT FADES OUT, Y'KNOW? AND A FLOOD USUALLY DOESN'T MATTER MUCH, BUT IN THIS CASE YOU AND I ARE, EH. THE ONLY PEOPLE LEFT ALIVE WHO KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE.

I USED TO THINK IT WAS A BAD THING, THAT THERE WERE TWO OF US. IT DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE REMEMBERED. BUT NOW, I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

Edited 2019-11-05 06:10 (UTC)

[Luke's expression sobers, and he nods as he listens. This is a side of Bill he doesn't get to see often, but he's gratified that it is more frequent than it used to be. It always gives him hope.]

I don't know... if what it deserves is what matters. Remembrance isn't really for the dead, is it? It's about what you...

To answer your question, I remember a lot of it. But it's... filtered. Like, I was a different person, so different, that my brain the way it is now doesn't quite hold it. It's like translating; I can hear it, I know what the words are. But I don't know that I fully understand the meaning now that I'm me again.

[He sighs.]

But I remember enough to be glad I do remember. Because it doesn't really matter to me whether that place deserves it or not. It does matter to me that... that I have a better feeling about where you came from and who you are. It makes me feel better able to understand you. So I value it for you, and for that knowledge. Not for what it was itself.

Bill's pretense of being Not Completely Sad crumples as this goes on, and he floats up into Luke's space by the end to cling and bury his eye in Luke's sleeve.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO MISS IT? I HATED IT THERE. THEY HATED ME TOO."

He pulls back, rubs at his eyelid, frustrated with the emotion.

"UGH. ANY IDIOT CAN SEE IT WAS A DICTATORSHIP. IT WAS A DEAD END. EVERYONE THERE WAS AWFUL TO ME. BUT I STILL MISS IT. THIS IS SO STUPID."

A sudden flare of red glow, that dissipates quickly.

When Bill buries his face in Luke's arm, Luke brings his other hand up to cradle Bill gently.

"It's not stupid," he says softly. "Emotions are weird but they're not, you know, wrong in themselves. It was a stupid and abusive dictatorship but it was yours. It was familiar. It..." He bites his lip. "It was something at least you could like, define yourself against. Here, it's like... open ended. I mean, part of why I'm here is I don't know what to do without the war to fight. That's stupid, right? I don't really want there to be more war. But it... made sense, what I was doing. I had a role."

"AND YOU CAN'T GO BACK HOME EITHER."

Bill's eye is shut but there's still emotion in how it pulls up in the middle into a stressed-out little peak.

"I REMEMBER OWEN AND BERU. I TRY, ANYWAY. I TOOK EM FOR GRANTED. BUT I TEND TO DO THAT, HUH."

"No, I..." Luke shakes his head. "I did, too. That's not just you. I think that's kind of part of being young. But hey..."

He leans back, watching Bill.

"Both of us... wanted out. We got out. And it makes sense that in our own very different ways, we've got mixed feelings about that. It's okay to miss something that wasn't all that great to begin with."

"I'M GOING TO TRY TO BRING IT BACK."

He just can't deal with knowing he made the mistake. Knowing it's not out there any more, and should be, and that it's his fault. He's going to fix the things he did, or how bad he feels is going to drive him crazy. He has to get rid of it, he has to throw something at it to make it stop.

Is this the right thing to do? Maybe. Is Bill doing it for the right reason? No, absolutely not.

Edited 2019-11-06 01:10 (UTC)

Luke feels something in him stop cold at that. This is not the discussion he'd thought they'd been having.

"Hang on," he says, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Look, feeling bad about it is one thing, but... I don't know if this is a good idea."

"BUT THEY'RE DEAD, RIGHT? AND WHAT HAPPENED WASN'T FAIR. AND I THINK I CAN FIX IT. ISN'T THAT GOOD?"

If he can't fix it, this is all going to immediately fall apart, because he has no idea how to grieve for things. He's bounced off Depression and got stuck in Bargaining.

Luke bites his lip to keep from responding 'no' too quickly. This is, he thinks, another phase of Bill's hurt. He's broken up with Ford because he might be using him. He wants to bring his world back because he might have made the wrong choice to destroy it. Okay.

"The... fact you want to is good," he says finally. "And you're right. It wasn't fair, and maybe it shouldn't have happened. But... it did. And it's just not as simple as undoing it. For one thing, all the stuff that was wrong to begin with... it'd still be wrong." He chews on that for a moment. "I'm not saying it's not a good idea at some point. I just don't think it's a good idea to jump into it without having a plan."

"I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK, I JUST ..."

Luke's right, he doesn't have a plan. And everything that was happening there.. was still horrible.

"THAT REBELLION YOU FOUND, THEY DESERVE TO LIVE. AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE DISAGREED WITH WHAT WAS HAPPENING BUT WAS TOO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING? ALL THE POWER I HAVE.. I HAVE IT BECAUSE I WAS WILLING TO TRADE ALL THEIR LIVES FOR IT. WELL, I'M NOT WILLING ANY MORE, I WANT TO TRADE IT BACK."

"I don't think it works that way," Luke says softly. "Though it's... to your credit you're suggesting it. The thing is... The person you are today wouldn't exist if that hadn't happened. Just like I wouldn't be me, if I had stayed with Owen and Beru. So the person you are today wouldn't think to reverse it, if it hadn't happened to begin with."

Which is obviously not exactly what he meant, but he's trying.

"OH, I KNOW."

Bill looks ...haunted?

"I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT! WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I'D NEVER MURDERED EVERYBODY I EVER KNEW. I WOULDN'T EVEN BE 'BILL,' FIRST OFF. THAT NAME'S A PRETTY RECENT ONE. I WOULDN'T HAVE EVER LIVED SOMEWHERE WHERE IT WAS SAFE TO SPEAK MY MIND, OR BEEN ABLE TO LOOK UP TO SEE STARS IN THE SKY... I'D NEVER HAD LEARNED ABOUT THE UNIVERSE BESIDES THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT MUCH, OR ABOUT MYSELF BESIDES THAT I WAS PRETTY PISSED OFF. I'D NEVER HAVE HEARD COLE PORTER PLAY PIANO. HEARD ANYBODY PLAY A PIANO. HEH."

Bill's eye finally opens back up again, weary.

"I WOULD HAVE DIED BEFORE I WAS EVEN ME. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME FOR THIS, KID. THAT'S A FORM OF SUICIDE, FOR THIS VERSION OF YOUR BUDDY BILL ANYWAY. I'M JUST GONNA TRY TO, EH-"

He makes a tired circle with his fingertip, counter-clockwise.

"DO THE SAME THING I DID TO KILL THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT BACKWARDS."

Edited 2019-11-13 07:35 (UTC)

Oh, Bill.

"Okay," Luke says slowly, trying to parse all the potential pitfalls of this but knowing he can't possibly game out the whole disaster. He's not smart enough. He's not sure anyone is that smart. "Okay, but... You realize this has a lot of ways it can go wrong, right?"

"YEAH. I'M GOING TO HAVE QUENTIN HELP ME, HE'S RESTORED A WORLD BEFORE. ... AND HE PROBABLY WON'T LET ME PULL THE TRIGGER IF THE SPELL'S JUST GOING TO EXPLODE THE UNIVERSE."

Probably!

Edited 2019-11-13 23:23 (UTC)

"Probably," Luke says, one eyebrow slanted.

"HE'S A SMART GUY, AND HE'S AS CLOSE AS WE GET TO SOMEONE WHO'S DONE THIS BEFORE."

Luke does not think talking Bill out of this would help. Then again, he's been in a smiliar position before and should be wary of plans labeled "Bill," but here's the thing:

This really doesn't feel like last time.

He thinks it's ill-conceieved, he thinks it's probably for the wrong reasons, but it's not bad-hearted. It's not, on its face, wrong as far as Luke can see.

"Okay," he says again, lips pursed briefly in resolution. "What can I do?"

"I DON'T KNOW. I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU, I GUESS. .. YOU HELPED ME FIGURE OUT I DON'T NEED THE POWERS, YOU KNOW."

They're fun, but-

Luke smiles.

"I'm glad you did. Thanks. What I'm saying is... If you want to keep me informed, I'd like to know how it goes."

Both to keep an eye on things, and because yeah... he cares.

"YEAH. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN THERE'S ANYTHING TO BE SAID. IF."

Bill appears to suddenly remember something.

"OH, SOMETHING ELSE. ME AND A COUPLE OTHER INMATES ARE TRYING TO BUILD A RADAR TO SEE IF THERE'S ANY OTHER, EH, ANY AUTHORITY SHIPS CHASING US, I GUESS. SEEING IF THEY'RE IN COMMUNICATION RANGE."

It's a good idea in theory. In practice, trying to herd Entrapta's eccentricities and short-sightedness and Jasper's inability to separate her emotions from her work has been a trial.

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It's a good thing I checked this, comment vanished :\ sorry

aahh I was gonna ask you but I kept forgetting

<3

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