Luke Skywalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
neverjoinyou) wrote2026-04-05 02:51 pm
neverjoinyou) wrote2026-04-05 02:51 pm
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[She's shaking her head, waving off his apologies as she leads the way inside so they can sit down at the holochess table. She doesn't want to see anyone, that's true, but she also knows that's an impossible thing to want when she's made connections here she does want to keep. She can't cut people out entirely just because she's uncomfortable, she knows that, but some habits die very hard.
When he continues though, she absolutely gets why he feels so uncomfortable, reaches out to put a hand on his arm.]
I'm sorry. These don't last, though, it will come back once the flood has ended.
When he continues though, she absolutely gets why he feels so uncomfortable, reaches out to put a hand on his arm.]
I'm sorry. These don't last, though, it will come back once the flood has ended.
I know.
[And he feels kind of stupid, for bringing this to her when he knows that, but... he just feels so lost.]
You just get so used to it, you know? And as hard as it is, this thing, not being able to control what you feel... it's weird, not knowing where you are, that you're okay. It's just... Like something's been cut out. [He flexes his right hands.] And I know what that feels like.
[And he feels kind of stupid, for bringing this to her when he knows that, but... he just feels so lost.]
You just get so used to it, you know? And as hard as it is, this thing, not being able to control what you feel... it's weird, not knowing where you are, that you're okay. It's just... Like something's been cut out. [He flexes his right hands.] And I know what that feels like.
[It's touching that he would worry about her, not patronizing like she might have expected it from anyone else. It's valid here, when they're on a path towards something called the Land of the Dead and there's no way to know what's in store for her.
And she might not have the same connection to the Force that he has, but she can at least put herself in his shoes. She's learned recently that she does have the capacity to care of people, and a large part of that is because of Luke himself, so it's easier than it would have been a month ago to lead him to sit and take a seat beside him.]
I don't intend to leave here more than I have to, so I'll be safe. I can... I'll call you, if that will help.
And she might not have the same connection to the Force that he has, but she can at least put herself in his shoes. She's learned recently that she does have the capacity to care of people, and a large part of that is because of Luke himself, so it's easier than it would have been a month ago to lead him to sit and take a seat beside him.]
I don't intend to leave here more than I have to, so I'll be safe. I can... I'll call you, if that will help.
[It helps a little, having her close. But it still makes him sad, her need to isolate herself. As alike as they are, it's something they don't share.]
Yeah. Just... check in? Let me know. And Rey... I know I'm overreacting, and I know I'll be okay, so if there's anything, anything you need, you'll tell me?
Yeah. Just... check in? Let me know. And Rey... I know I'm overreacting, and I know I'll be okay, so if there's anything, anything you need, you'll tell me?
Edited 2016-04-27 05:31 (UTC)
[As much as it goes against her nature to ask for help or rely on anyone, Rey nods all the same. She can make this compromise if it's something that's going to keep Luke from worrying about her instead of focusing on looking after himself.]
I will. [And she thinks for a moment that's all she has to say, but something is sitting wrong and she wants to address it.] But I don't think you're overreacting. People can't control what they're afraid of, so they shouldn't be expected to handle situations like this perfectly. It's nothing that you ever thought you would face, so don't berate yourself for reacting to it.
I will. [And she thinks for a moment that's all she has to say, but something is sitting wrong and she wants to address it.] But I don't think you're overreacting. People can't control what they're afraid of, so they shouldn't be expected to handle situations like this perfectly. It's nothing that you ever thought you would face, so don't berate yourself for reacting to it.
[She doesn't really want to do this, but the alternative makes her feel a little sick to her stomach, so not long after her conversation with Han Rey reaches for her communicator and gets ready to do the whole thing over again.
She expects she might lose Luke, now. That he won't be able to forgive her, to ever see her as anything other than a woman who was fine with brutality for the sake of revenge, but all she can do is tell her side and hope.
She's never been that good at hope.]
Before you hear it from anyone else, or before you start believing things that aren't true, I want you to hear this from me.
I attacked Bull. I did it when he wasn't looking and he had no idea it was coming, and I only hit him as many times as it took to get him to stay down. After he did, I told him if he ever went after Han again, I wouldn't stop.
That was a lie. I didn't kill him and I didn't want him dead. I'm not sorry he is now after everything he's done to more than just Han, but I didn't kill him.
I wanted to. The dark side made me want to, but I didn't. I walked away, just like I did with Kylo Ren.
I'm sorry I disappointed you because I know you must be unhappy with me, but I'm not sorry I did it.
She expects she might lose Luke, now. That he won't be able to forgive her, to ever see her as anything other than a woman who was fine with brutality for the sake of revenge, but all she can do is tell her side and hope.
She's never been that good at hope.]
Before you hear it from anyone else, or before you start believing things that aren't true, I want you to hear this from me.
I attacked Bull. I did it when he wasn't looking and he had no idea it was coming, and I only hit him as many times as it took to get him to stay down. After he did, I told him if he ever went after Han again, I wouldn't stop.
That was a lie. I didn't kill him and I didn't want him dead. I'm not sorry he is now after everything he's done to more than just Han, but I didn't kill him.
I wanted to. The dark side made me want to, but I didn't. I walked away, just like I did with Kylo Ren.
I'm sorry I disappointed you because I know you must be unhappy with me, but I'm not sorry I did it.
[Oh, Rey. For a long moment, for actually many minutes together, Luke just sits, reading it over and over. Eventually, he leans back, eyes closing, to try to work his way through all of his emotions before sending a reply.
There are a lot of them.
Disappointment, yes. Fear--for Rey, for the future. Self-doubt, that all he touches seems to end in revenge. Anger, yes, at the universe for making revenge so very, very attractive so very, very often. A little pride, that Rey had taken the Qunari down, and then shame at that pride.
Gratitude, that Rey had stopped. Confusion, that Bull had died anyway.
Helplessness to know what to do next. All he can do, he thinks, is reply honestly, and from a place of as much calm as he can muster.]
Rey. I'm not good at writing things down, so I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say.
First of all, thank you for telling me. I know that took a lot of courage, knowing what I'm sure you think I must be thinking. I will not lie to you. I am disappointed, because I've seen enough to think violence and revenge are seldom the answer. I'm unhappy that you're not sorry, because every act of violence feeds on the next, and I can't see the future or where this goes. Not now, anyway.
But I'm not going to judge you for giving in to something I've struggled with, too. And I'm not going to judge you when I've forgiven my father, and Ben, and even, to some extent, Bull. You acted to protect what is precious to you. I don't agree with the outcome but it's not because I don't understand. Han is precious to me too. His death hurt and angered me, too.
Can you understand that, at least? That I understand, even if I don't think it was right?
There are a lot of them.
Disappointment, yes. Fear--for Rey, for the future. Self-doubt, that all he touches seems to end in revenge. Anger, yes, at the universe for making revenge so very, very attractive so very, very often. A little pride, that Rey had taken the Qunari down, and then shame at that pride.
Gratitude, that Rey had stopped. Confusion, that Bull had died anyway.
Helplessness to know what to do next. All he can do, he thinks, is reply honestly, and from a place of as much calm as he can muster.]
Rey. I'm not good at writing things down, so I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say.
First of all, thank you for telling me. I know that took a lot of courage, knowing what I'm sure you think I must be thinking. I will not lie to you. I am disappointed, because I've seen enough to think violence and revenge are seldom the answer. I'm unhappy that you're not sorry, because every act of violence feeds on the next, and I can't see the future or where this goes. Not now, anyway.
But I'm not going to judge you for giving in to something I've struggled with, too. And I'm not going to judge you when I've forgiven my father, and Ben, and even, to some extent, Bull. You acted to protect what is precious to you. I don't agree with the outcome but it's not because I don't understand. Han is precious to me too. His death hurt and angered me, too.
Can you understand that, at least? That I understand, even if I don't think it was right?
[She expected this to be terrible. That he would consider her not worth the risk, not worth the pain of watching her be not what he wanted her to be, and that this one act would have him washing his hands of her entirely. That he might see a reason to turn his back on her.
It has nothing to do with what she thinks of Luke as a person and everything to do with what she knows Jedi are supposed to be. They're supposed to control these impulses, supposed to not feel things so strongly, but that's all she's done her entire life. Her emotions are such a integral part of her that she worries sometimes she just can't be a Jedi. Not if it means giving up who she is.
But he doesn't. He just wants her to understand the same way she had wanted him to and she can do that, she can take the time to get there if it's difficult but thankfully, under these circumstances, it's not. Everything he says back is fair, it all makes sense.
There's no escaping the sting that comes with being compared to Kylo Ren and Darth Vader, though. It's absurd to her to be compared to someone her inmate is terrified of when there had been a part of her that was hitting the Bull just a little harder for Alfie's sake. It's honestly something she may never forget, never be okay with, that Luke thinks of her like that, but what can she do? She knows her heart. She knows she can stop, that she will never be like those men.
If Luke can't see that, that isn't her failing.]
I understand. I'm not good at explaining things either, but I understand what you mean.
Thank you.
It has nothing to do with what she thinks of Luke as a person and everything to do with what she knows Jedi are supposed to be. They're supposed to control these impulses, supposed to not feel things so strongly, but that's all she's done her entire life. Her emotions are such a integral part of her that she worries sometimes she just can't be a Jedi. Not if it means giving up who she is.
But he doesn't. He just wants her to understand the same way she had wanted him to and she can do that, she can take the time to get there if it's difficult but thankfully, under these circumstances, it's not. Everything he says back is fair, it all makes sense.
There's no escaping the sting that comes with being compared to Kylo Ren and Darth Vader, though. It's absurd to her to be compared to someone her inmate is terrified of when there had been a part of her that was hitting the Bull just a little harder for Alfie's sake. It's honestly something she may never forget, never be okay with, that Luke thinks of her like that, but what can she do? She knows her heart. She knows she can stop, that she will never be like those men.
If Luke can't see that, that isn't her failing.]
I understand. I'm not good at explaining things either, but I understand what you mean.
Thank you.
[He doesn't think he's comparing them. Or if he is, it's an extremity to show that he can't possibly judge someone like her when he hasn't judged people guilty of a million times worse. But maybe that's a nuance, and anyway, it's one he's unaware of at the moment.]
When you're ready, when you want to talk... I'll be here. Or wherever you want.
I trust you, Rey.
[He doesn't trust that something like this won't happen again. But he does now trust her to talk to him. And he's always trusted that she was a good person.
Even if, right now, it's a lot to work through.]
When you're ready, when you want to talk... I'll be here. Or wherever you want.
I trust you, Rey.
[He doesn't trust that something like this won't happen again. But he does now trust her to talk to him. And he's always trusted that she was a good person.
Even if, right now, it's a lot to work through.]
I need some time. A day or two.
[To sort through what she feels, but honestly it's mostly just to heal. She isn't in much pain but she doesn't want to be seen with a giant bruise on her face that will remind everyone what she's done.
Mostly, she doesn't want anyone to look at her and worry about her when someone else was brutally murdered.]
Please be safe. We must be getting close to whatever is coming.
[To sort through what she feels, but honestly it's mostly just to heal. She isn't in much pain but she doesn't want to be seen with a giant bruise on her face that will remind everyone what she's done.
Mostly, she doesn't want anyone to look at her and worry about her when someone else was brutally murdered.]
Please be safe. We must be getting close to whatever is coming.
Don't worry about me. I know Han's a special case, but if anything happens to me, I don't want ANYONE doing anything.
Besides. Nothing will happen to me.
[Honestly the last thing Luke needs is to think Rey would avenge him. Then again, he's not sure he rates that in her books.]
Besides. Nothing will happen to me.
[Honestly the last thing Luke needs is to think Rey would avenge him. Then again, he's not sure he rates that in her books.]
[Luke smiles sheepishly at her.]
You're right. I just... I don't know. I think too much of what Han thinks of me, sometimes. And this one... he hasn't been through everything the one I know has. We're bound to talk at cross-purposes, sometimes, I guess. He just has this ability to turn me back into that stupid kid I was when we met.
You're right. I just... I don't know. I think too much of what Han thinks of me, sometimes. And this one... he hasn't been through everything the one I know has. We're bound to talk at cross-purposes, sometimes, I guess. He just has this ability to turn me back into that stupid kid I was when we met.
He admitted it? Did he give a reason? I don't mean for Tarkin--I mean why he did it.
[He'd agreed, but knowing it's the case... Luke's blood boils for a moment and it takes slightly too long to calm himself back down.]
[He'd agreed, but knowing it's the case... Luke's blood boils for a moment and it takes slightly too long to calm himself back down.]
That's okay, Han. It's not like you don't have anything to think about.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
It is. Plus... I mean, not to be too blunt, but I feel we've already killed him. It doesn't really seem right.
[Luke sighs. He doesn't particularly like the next bit.]
Han... we have to talk. About Rey.
[Luke sighs. He doesn't particularly like the next bit.]
Han... we have to talk. About Rey.
I don't know if anyone... No, that's not the point. What's done is done, and we both did what we had to do.
You know that Rey attacked the Bull.
You know that Rey attacked the Bull.
[Maybe Tarkin did deserve it. It doesn't mean Luke should feel easy about pulling the trigger.]
She what, Han?
She what, Han?
[Sigh.]
No. I mean, I knew you were important to her, but not that. She doesn't have a lot in her life, Han. Almost nothing, until you and Chewie came along. I never knew my parents but at least I had Owen and Beru. I had a home. Rey... I think you are her home.
I just worry. She's not a bit sorry for attacking Bull. And I know she didn't kill him, and I know she can stop herself, but... I worry.
No. I mean, I knew you were important to her, but not that. She doesn't have a lot in her life, Han. Almost nothing, until you and Chewie came along. I never knew my parents but at least I had Owen and Beru. I had a home. Rey... I think you are her home.
I just worry. She's not a bit sorry for attacking Bull. And I know she didn't kill him, and I know she can stop herself, but... I worry.
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